quotes from classic

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

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Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

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The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

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What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

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Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself.

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Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

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The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.

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The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.

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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

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Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

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It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

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Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

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Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

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Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out.

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He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

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