quotes from classic

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

more quotes from Mark Twain

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

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My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

more quotes from Mark Twain

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

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A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

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Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

more quotes from Mark Twain

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

more quotes from Mark Twain

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

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Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.

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Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

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It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

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No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

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Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

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It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

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There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

more quotes from Mark Twain

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

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The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

more quotes from Mark Twain