quotes from classic

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

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Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

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A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

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Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

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Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures - take them, George, they're yours!

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Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

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I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.

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Too clever is dumb.

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A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

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Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.

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Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

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The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

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The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat.

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The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

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I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

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One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

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The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

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Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

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Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.

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Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

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