quotes from classic

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happinesss is assured.

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Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

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Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

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The covers of this book are too far apart.

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Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

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Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.

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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

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Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

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Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.

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Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

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Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

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The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.

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Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.

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Mammon, n.: The god of the world's leading religion.

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Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.

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