quotes from classic

Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

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Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.

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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

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The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.

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The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.

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Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

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We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.

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Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

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Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

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Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

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Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

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Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

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Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.

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What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.

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Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

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Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

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Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

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