Funny poems
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The Raggedy Man
© James Whitcomb Riley
O the Raggedy Man! He works fer Pa;
An' he's the goodest man ever you saw!
A Bear Story
© Edgar Albert Guest
There was a bear - his name was Jim,
An' children weren't askeered of him,
The Family Fool
© William Schwenck Gilbert
Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon,
If you listen to popular rumour;
"Goldie Pinklesweet..."
© Roald Dahl
"Attention please! Attention please!
Don't dare to talk! Don't dare to sneeze!
Don't doze or daydream! Stay awake!
Your health, your very life's at stake!
Hoho, you say, they can't mean me.
Haha, we answer, wait and see.
Im So Good That I Dont Have To Brag
© Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fire
Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag
Her Letter
© Francis Bret Harte
I'm sitting alone by the fire,
Dressed just as I came from the dance,
Getting Stout
© William Henry Drummond
Eighteen, an' face lak de--w'ats de good?
Deres no use tryin' explain
Doctor Hilaire
© William Henry Drummond
A stranger might say if he see heem drink till he almos' fall,
"Doctor lak dat for sick folk, hes never no use at all,"
But wait till you hear de story dey 're tellin' about heem yet,
An' see if you don't hear somet'ing, mebbe you won't forget.
Speakin' At De Cou't-House
© Paul Laurence Dunbar
Dey been speakin' at de cou't-house,
An' laws-a-massy me,
As It Begins With A Brush Stroke On A Snare Drum
© Larry Levis
The plaza was so still in that moment two years ago that
everything was clear,
As if it had been preserved beneath a kind of lacquered
stillness, &, for a while,
I did not even notice the pigeons lifting above the sad tiles
of churches,
Pixley Folks
© Edgar Albert Guest
SOMETIMES I git to thinkin' o' the days o' youth, an then
There comes a-troopin' through my mind th wimmin folk an' men
The Boy Mind
© Edgar Albert Guest
WISH I was only as bright as my boy,
Wish I could think of the things that he springs;
A Prospective Visit
© James Whitcomb Riley
While _any_ day was notable and dear
That gave the children Noey, history here
The Lost Purse
© Edgar Albert Guest
I remember the excitement and the terrible alarm
That worried everybody when William broke his arm;
An' how frantic Pa and Ma got only jes' the other day
When they couldn't find the baby coz he'd up an' walked away;
But I'm sure there's no excitement that our house has ever shook
Like the times Ma can't remember where she's put her pocketbook.
The Vulture (Parody of Poe's "Raven")
© Anonymous
Once upon a midnight chilling, as I held my feet unwilling
O'er a tub of scalding water, at a heat of ninety-four;
Nervously a toe in dipping, dripping, slipping, then out-skipping,
Suddenly there came a ripping whipping, at my chamber's door.
"'Tis the second-floor," I muttered, "flipping at my chamber's door--
Wants a light--and nothing more!"
Hamlet As Told On The Street
© Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Well, that was the end of our sweet prince,
He died in confusion and nobodys seen him since.
And the moral of the story is bells do get out of tune
And you can find shit in a silver spoon
And an old mans revenge can be a young mans ruin
Oh and never look too close
at what your mamma is doin.
Psychological Warfare
© Henry Reed
Be that as it may, some time in the very near future,
We are to expect Invasion… and invasion not from the sea.
Vast numbers of troops will be dropped, probably from above,
Superbly equipped, determined and capable; and this above all,
Remember: they will be very brave men, and chosen as such.
