All Poems
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Portrait of the Artist as a Prematurely Old Man
© Ogden Nash
It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts,
That all sin is divided into two parts.
One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very important,
And it is what you are doing when you are doing something you ortant,
PG Wooster, Just as he Useter
© Ogden Nash
Bound to your bookseller, leap to your library,
Deluge your dealer with bakshish and bribary,
Lean on the counter and never say when,
Wodehouse and Wooster are with us again.
Peekabo, I Almost See You
© Ogden Nash
Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to
lead it,
But there comes a day when your eyes
are all right but your arm isn't long
One Third Of The Calendar
© Ogden Nash
In January everything freezes.
We have two children. Both are she'ses.
This is our January rule:
One girl in bed, and one in school.
One From One Leaves Two
© Ogden Nash
Higgledy piggledy, my black hen,
She lays eggs for gentlemen.
Gentlemen come every day
To count what my black hen doth lay.
Old Men
© Ogden Nash
People expect old men to die,
They do not really mourn old men.
Old men are different. People look
At them with eyes that wonder when
People watch with unshocked eyes;
But the old men know when an old man dies.
Old Dr. Valentine To His Son
© Ogden Nash
Your hopeless patients will live,
Your healthy patients will die.
I have only this word to give:
Wonder, and find out why
Oh To Be Odd!
© Ogden Nash
Hypochondriacs
Spend the winter at the bottom of Florida and the summer on top of
the Adirondriacs.
You go to Paris and live on champagne wine and cognac
No, You Be A Lone Eagle
© Ogden Nash
I find it very hard to be fair-minded
About people who go around being air-minded.
I just can't see any fun
In soaring up up up into the sun
No Doctor's Today, Thank You
© Ogden Nash
They tell me that euphoria is the feeling of feeling wonderful,
well, today I feel euphorian,
Today I have the agility of a Greek god and the appetitite of a
Victorian.
My Dream
© Ogden Nash
This is my dream,
It is my own dream,
I dreamt it.
I dreamt that my hair was kempt.
Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.
More About People
© Ogden Nash
When people aren't asking questions
They're making suggestions
And when they're not doing one of those
They're either looking over your shoulder or stepping on your toes
Look What You Did, Christopher!
© Ogden Nash
In fourteen hundred and ninety-two,
Someone sailed the ocean blue.
Somebody borrowed the fare in Spain
For a business trip on the bounding main,
sten...
© Ogden Nash
There is a knocking in the skull,
An endless silent shout
Of something beating on a wall,
And crying, Let me out!
Lines To Be Embroidered On A Bib
© Ogden Nash
OR
The Child Is Father Of The Man, But Not For Quite A WhileSo Thomas Edison
Never drank his medicine;
So Blackstone and Hoyle
Lines On Facing Forty
© Ogden Nash
I have a bone to pick with Fate.
Come here and tell me, girlie,
Do you think my mind is maturing late,
Or simply rotted early?
Lines Indited With All The Depravity Of Poverty
© Ogden Nash
One way to be very happy is to be very rich
For then you can buy orchids by the quire and bacon by the flitch.
And yet at the same time People don't mind if you only tip them a dime,
Because it's very funny
Lather As You Go
© Ogden Nash
Beneath this slab
John Brown is stowed.
He watched the ads
And not the road.
Kipling's Vermont
© Ogden Nash
The summer like a rajah dies,
And every widowed tree
Kindles for Congregationalist eyes
An alien suttee.
Just Keep Quiet and Nobody Will Notice
© Ogden Nash
There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges,
Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies.
I don't mean the kind of apologies people make when they run over you or borrow five dollars or step on your feet,
Because I think that is sort of sweet;
