A Bit O’ Fun

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We thought you woulden leäve us quite
  So soon as what you did last night;
  Our fun jist got up to a height
  As you about got hwome.
  The friskèn chaps did skip about,
  An' cou'se the maïdens in an' out,
  A-meäkèn such a randy-rout,
  You coulden hear a drum.

  An' Tom, a-springèn after Bet
  Blind-vwolded, whizz'd along, an' het
  Poor Grammer's zide, an' overzet
  Her chair, at blind-man's buff;
  An' she, poor soul, as she did vall,
  Did show her snags o' teeth an' squall,
  An' what, she zaid, wer wo'se than all,
  She shatter'd all her snuff.

  An' Bet, a-hoppèn back vor fear
  O' Tom, struck uncle zomewhere near,
  An' meäde his han' spill all his beer
  Right down her poll an' back;
  An' Joe, in middle o' the din,
  Slipt out a bit, an' soon come in
  Wi' all below his dapper chin
  A-jumpèn in a zack.

  An' in a twinklèn tother chaps
  Jist hung en to a crook wi' straps,
  An' meäde en bear the maïdens' slaps,
  An' prickens wi' a pin.
  An' Jim, a-catchèn Poll, poor chap,
  In back-house in the dark, vell slap
  Athirt a tub o' barm,--a trap
  She set to catch en in.

  An' then we zot down out o' breath,
  An' meäde a circle roun' the he'th,
  A-keepèn up our harmless me'th,
  Till supper wer a-come.
  An' after we'd a-had zome prog,
  All tother chaps begun to jog,
  Wi' sticks to lick a thief or dog,
  To zee the maïdens hwome.

© William Barnes