WHAT ails ye now, ye lousie bitch
To thresh my back at sic a pitch?
Losh, man! hae mercy wi your natch,
Your bodkins bauld;
I didna suffer half sae much
Frae Daddie Auld.
What tho at times, when I grow crouse,
I gie their wames a random pouse,
Is that enough for you to souse
Your servant sae?
Gae mind your seam, ye prick-the-louse,
An jag-the-flea!
King David, o poetic brief,
Wrocht mang the lasses sic mischief
As filled his after-life wi grief,
An bluidy rants,
An yet hes rankd amang the chief
O lang-syne saunts.
And maybe, Tam, for a my cants,
My wicked rhymes, an drucken rants,
Ill gie auld clovens Clooties haunts
An unco slip yet,
An snugly sit amang the saunts,
At Davies hip yet!
But, fegs! the session says I maun
Gae fa upo anither plan
Than garrin lasses coup the cran,
Clean heels ower body,
An sairly thole their mothers ban
Afore the howdy.
This leads me on to tell for sport,
How I did wi the Session sort;
Auld Clinkum, at the inner port,
Cried three times, Robin!
Come hither lad, and answer fort,
Yere blamd for jobbin!
Wi pinch I put a Sundays face on,
An snoovd awa before the Session:
I made an open, fair confession
I scornt to lee,
An syne Mess John, beyond expression,
Fell foul o me.
A fornicator-loun he calld me,
An said my faut frae bliss expelld me;
I ownd the tale was true he telld me,
But, what the matter?
(Quo I) I fear unless ye geld me,
Ill neer be better!
Geld you! (quo he) an what for no?
If that your right hand, leg or toe
Should ever prove your spritual foe,
You should remember
To cut it affan what for no
Your dearest member?
Na, na, (quo I,) Im no for that,
Geldings nae better than tis cat;
Id rather suffer for my faut
A hearty flewit,
As sair owre hip as ye can drawt,
Tho I should rue it.
Or, gin ye like to end the bother,
To please us aIve just ae ither
When next wi yon lass I forgather,
Whateer betide it,
Ill frankly gie her t a thegither,
An let her guide it.
But, sir, this pleasd them warst of a,
An therefore, Tam, when that I saw,
I said Gude night, an cam awa,
An left the Session;
I saw they were resolvèd a
On my oppression.