Quotes by Mark Twain
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
The Public is merely a multiplied "me."
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.
Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
