I leev' me turty year alone; Dat ees a lonely life--A bachelor, dat's wat dey call De man who has no wife.
He has no cheeldren; eef he has He don't talk much of dat.He keep eet, as de Yankees say Right onderneat' hees hat.
I'm seeck, of all dees leev' alone, An' so I'm look aroundTo find som' nice Canadian girl Who weigh two hondred pound.
De girl who go straight up and down Don't set my heart een whirl.I'd radder stay me single man Dan marry skeeny girl.
One day I go to St. Césare, And dere, wat do I see?--A girl who weigh two hondred pound, An' she was nam' Marie.
I ask "You marry me!" She say: "Oui, oui", as queek as dat.She was ver' glad she meet a man Who lak' hees women fat.
And so I marry my Marie; She swear she will be true.She own two-hondred-acre farm, One car and nice quatre-rous.
We marry on cole winter day: De Horse's nose she steam.We have nice hickory nuts and cake And Montreal ice cream.
By gar I was contented man As hanywhere be found.I love Marie wit' all my heart-- Her whole two hondred pound.
I tink I never love a femme So much as dees again,Unless I meet anodder girl Who weigh two hondred ten.
We leev' a very happy time; She darn me all my socks.And den one day she buy som' pills In foony leetle box.
Eef I had known wat's een dat box I'd mak' me hell turn loose;For what you tink, dose leetle pills Dey mak' de fat reduce.
Een seex months dat Marie she weigh Exac' one hondred five,And wen I found dose pills, eet's luck Marie ess still alive.
I called me den on Fadder Burke; "Wat mak' me do", I cried,"I marry me two hondred pounds, An' half of eet has died.
"I tink I get anodder wife; My heart she am de wreck".Se fadder say: "Dat ain't de law: You're leeving in Quebec."
I say to heem: "Eef I go buy A shirt or sock I tinkDey geev wat you call guarantee Dat he wont mak' heem shrink.
"Why doan' dey geev' dat guarantee When you take wife dat's fatAnd den go shrink lak' my Marie; I tink dey should do dat."
Den Fadder Burker he smile: "Ma frien', You tell Marie," he say,"Beeg joke dat mak' her laugh, and she Will gain tree pound a day."
An' so each day I tell her joke: She laugh unteel she cried.An' I laugh too, for I could see Marie was growing wide.
Dat Fadder Burke ees very wise: Marie ess fat again.She doesn't weigh two hondred pound: She weigh two hondred ten.
