The Debate In The Sennit

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SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME

'Here we stan' on the Constitution, by thunder!
  It's a fact o' wich ther's bushils o' proofs;
Fer how could we trample on 't so, I wonder,
  Ef 't worn't thet it's ollers under our hoofs?'
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he:--
  'Human rights haint no more
  Right to come on this floor,
  No more 'n the man in the moon,' sez he.

'The North haint no kind o' bisness with nothin,'
  An' you've no idee how much bother it saves; 
We aint none riled by their frettin' an' frothin',
  We're _used_ to layin' the string on our slaves,'
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  Sez Mister Foote,
  'I should like to shoot
  The holl gang, by the gret horn spoon!' sez he.

'Freedom's Keystone is Slavery, thet ther's no doubt on,
  It's sutthin' thet's--wha' d' ye call it?--divine,--
An' the slaves thet we ollers _make_ the most out on
  Air them north o' Mason an' Dixon's line,' 
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  'Fer all that,' sez Mangum,
  ''Twould be better to hang 'em
  An' so git red on 'em soon,' sez he.

'The mass ough' to labor an' we lay on soffies,
  Thet's the reason I want to spread Freedom's aree;
It puts all the cunninest on us in office,
  An' reelises our Maker's orig'nal idee,'
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  'Thet's ez plain,' sez Cass, 
  'Ez thet some one's an ass,
  It's ez clear ez the sun is at noon,' sez he.

'Now don't go to say I'm the friend of oppression,
  But keep all your spare breath fer coolin' your broth,
Fer I ollers hev strove (at least thet's my impression)
  To make cussed free with the rights o' the North,'
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  'Yes,' sez Davis o' Miss.,
  'The perfection o' bliss
  Is in skinnin' thet same old coon,' sez he. 

'Slavery's a thing thet depends on complexion,
  It's God's law thet fetters on black skins don't chafe;
Ef brains wuz to settle it (horrid reflection!)
  Wich of our onnable body 'd be safe?'
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  Sez Mister Hannegan,
  Afore he began agin,
  'Thet exception is quite oppertoon,' sez he.

'Gennle Cass, Sir, you needn't be twitchin' your collar,
  _Your_ merit's quite clear by the dut on your knees, 
At the North we don't make no distinctions o' color;
  You can all take a lick at our shoes wen you please,'
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  Sez Mister Jarnagin,
  'They wun't hev to larn agin,
  They all on 'em know the old toon,' sez he.

'The slavery question aint no ways bewilderin,'
  North an' South hev one int'rest, it's plain to a glance;
No'thern men, like us patriarchs, don't sell their childrin,
  But they _du_ sell themselves, ef they git a good chance,' 
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  Sez Atherton here,
  'This is gittin' severe,
  I wish I could dive like a loon,' sez he.

'It'll break up the Union, this talk about freedom,
  An' your fact'ry gals (soon ez we split) 'll make head,
An' gittin' some Miss chief or other to lead 'em,
  'll go to work raisin' permiscoous Ned,'
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  'Yes, the North,' sez Colquitt, 
  'Ef we Southeners all quit,
  Would go down like a busted balloon,' sez he.

'Jest look wut is doin', wut annyky's brewin'
  In the beautiful clime o' the olive an' vine,
All the wise aristoxy's atumblin' to ruin,
  An' the sankylots drorin' an' drinkin' their wine,'
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  'Yes,' sez Johnson, 'in France
  They're beginnin' to dance
  Beelzebub's own rigadoon,' sez he. 

'The South's safe enough, it don't feel a mite skeery,
  Our slaves in their darkness an' dut air tu blest
Not to welcome with proud hallylugers the ery
  Wen our eagle kicks yourn from the naytional nest,'
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  'Oh,' sez Westcott o' Florida,
  'Wut treason is horrider
  Then our priv'leges tryin' to proon?' sez he.

'It's 'coz they're so happy, thet, wen crazy sarpints
  Stick their nose in our bizness, we git so darned riled; 
We think it's our dooty to give pooty sharp hints,
  Thet the last crumb of Edin on airth sha'n't be spiled,'
  Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he;--
  'Ah,' sez Dixon H. Lewis,
  'It perfectly true is
  Thet slavery's airth's grettest boon,' sez he.

© James Russell Lowell