A CHRISTMAS STORY.
1
IT was the time when geese despond,
And turkeys make their wills;
The time when Christians, to a man,
Forgive each other's bills;
It was the time when Christmas glee
The heart of childhood fills.
2
Alas! that, when the changing year
Brings round the blessed day,
The hearts of little Queensland boys
Wax keen to hunt and slay,
As if the chime of Christmas time
Were but a call to prey.
3
Alas! that when our dwellings teem
With comfits and with toys
When bat and ball and wicket call
To yet sublimer joys
Whatever can't be caught and killed
Is stale to certain boys.
4
Strange that, with such instructive things
From which to pick and choose,
With moral books and puzzle maps
That "teach while they amuse,"
Some boys can find no pleasure save
In killing kangaroos.
5
Where Quart Pot Creek to Severn's stream
Its mighty tribute rolls,
There stands a town the happiest town,
I think, betwixt the poles;
And all around is holy ground;
In fact, it's full of holes.
6
And there, or thereabouts, there dwelt
(Still dwells, for aught I know)
A little boy, whose moral tone
Was lamentably low;
A shocking scamp, with just a speck
Of good in embryo.
7
His name was Bill; to wallabies
He bore an evil will;
All things that hop on hinder legs
His function was to kill,
And from his show of scalps he won
The name, Marsupial Bill.
8
His face and form were pinched and lean,
And dim his youthful eye:
'Tis well that growing Queensland boys
Should know the reason why;
My little lads, 'twas all along
Of smoking on the sly.
9
Through this was William small and lean,
Through this his eye was dim,
Nor biceps rose on nerveless arm,
Nor calf on nether limb;
Ye growing boys and hobbledehoys,
Be warned by me and him.
10
His elevated shoulders stood
But little way apart;
His elbow joints Oh, poor avail
Of mere descriptive art!
I would I had an artist man
To show them William's "carte"!
11
And should you ask how such a one
A mighty hunter grew,
So many flying does outsped,
So many boomers slew
Bill owned a canine mate, to which
His victories were due.
12
A brute so complex that he set
"The fancy" all agog;
Of breed that ne'er found name in exhibition catalogue!
Oh, would I had an artist man
To show them William's dog!
13
On Christmas-eve, at set of sun,
A hollow tree he sought;
A match, a scratch, a puff, and Bill
Was lost in smoke and thought,
And "all his battles o'er again"
In fervid fancy fought.
14
No ha'penny thing, no penny thing,
No thing of common clay
Such brilliant memories evoked,
With hopes as bright as they
It was his father's Sunday pipe
That Bill had stolen away.
15
For many a time and oft had he
Admired the wondrous bowl,
The stem, the mouthpiece, and the tout
Ensemble of the whole,
Until desire of it had grown
A portion of his soul
16
Until desire o'ergrew the fear
Of kick, or cuff, or stripe.
That eve, when Bill stepped forth from home
The guilty scheme was ripe
His right-hand trouser-leg concealed
His father's Sunday pipe.
17
And now within a heaven of smoke
Against the tree he leant,
The while the mellow influence
Through all his vitals went,
And for the first time in his life
He knew what meerschaum meant.
18
So subtly stole the influence
His inmost being through,
He did not mark the sudden bark
That signalled kangaroo,
Nor noted that his constant mate
Had vanished from his view.
19
His mind and eye were on the pipe,
And he had just begun
To count how many scalps would go
To purchase such a one,
When turning round his head, he saw,
Against the setting sun,
20
A Boomer! . . . and, as when the waves
Close o'er a drowning head,
Sudden the whole forgotten past
Before the soul lies spread,
And all the charge-sheet of a life
In one brief glance is read
21
Ev'n so in instant tumult thronged,
About his wildered mind,
A thousand shapes of wounded things,
Of every size and kind;
And some were scalped, and some were maimed,
And some were docked behind.
22
The kangaroo, the wallaroo,
The wallaby was there;
The 'possum jabbered in its fright,
Sore wept the native bear;
The stricken paddamelon moaned
Its ineffectual prayer;
The battered 'guana fixed on him
Its dull remonstrant stare;
While tail-less lizards swarmed and crawled
About him everywhere;
And limbless frogs denounced him with
The croaking of despair;
And tortured bats with ghostly wings
Clung to his stiffened hair;
But suddenly the vision passed,
And Bill became aware
That he was in the Boomer's arms,
And bounding through the air.
23
Hop, hop, they went o'er broken wilds,
Where, stacked in many a mound,
The hoards of clay-embedded ore
Rose grimly all around:
Unheeding miners' rights, they jumped
A claim at every bound.
24
Then on o'er wastes so very bare
That even "stripping" ceased;
And as they neared the hill countrie
The frightful pace increased;
Nor granite slope nor timbered ridge
Told on the tireless beast.
The sun went down, the full-orbed moon
Came swimming up the East,
Nor yet the "old man" slackened speed,
Nor yet his prey released.
25
Still on and on, till from a cliff
A sentry challenged near,
Though what the challenge or reply
No mortal man may hear;
We only know that for a sign
Each drooped his dexter ear.
26
Whate'er it meant, the "old man" checked
His onward course thereat,
Dropped Bill, and dragged him by the wrists
Across a wooded flat,
To where the KANGAROO-GEMOT
In full assembly sat.
27
Ringed by the fathers of the tribe,
Surrounded yet alone,
The Bossaroo superbly posed
Upon a granite throne
A very old "old man" who had
Four generations known.
28
Upon his mournful eye the woes
Of all his race were writ;
Yet age and sorrow had not dimmed
His majesty a whit;
And, oh, his metatarsal bones
Displayed the real grit!
29
Nor unattended sat the sires;
Behind them crouched their mates;
Nor kangaroos alone composed
The Congress of the States,
But all proscribed marsupial breeds
Had sent their delegates.
30
Lo, at a signal from the boss
The serried ring gave way,
And through an opening in the throng
The captor dragged his prey,
Bowed to the chair, then called to aid
A strapping M.L.A.
31
And thus, betwixt a double guard,
The prisoner found his place;
And all around were wrathful eyes
Without a gleam of grace;
One wide concatenated scowl
Was focussed on his face.
32
Now hitherto poor Bill had been
As dumb as dumb could be,
But at that pandemoniac scowl
His struggling tongue got free;
He lifted up his voice and cried,
"Oh, please, it wasn't me!"
33
A tumult rose; but with a sign
The boss the riot checked,
Then cleared his throat and bade the guard
The prisoner's clothes inspect:
"Ay, ay, Sir!" came the prompt reply,
Or words to that effect.
34
They spake the language that was heard
While yet the world was young;
And he who knows it knows all speech
That out of it hath sprung:
(With compliments to Dr. Hearn,
It was the Aryan tongue).
35
And should you ask how Bill was up
To every word they said,
And how such antiquated lore
Had got into his head
'Twas his pre-natal memory
That served him in such stead.
36
They searched the prisoner's clothes, and first
They brought the pipe to view,
For though it is a mystery
To me as well as you,
It is a solemn fact that Bill
Had stuck to it all through.
37
Then one by one his poor effects
Were collared by his guards,
Peach-stones, fig-chew, a catapult,
A greasy pack of cards,
A half-cut cake of cavendish
(Prime quality Gaujard's);
38
But when from out a leathern sheath
A blood-stained knife they drew,
All round the court, from hand to hand,
They passed it in review:
Each sniffed the blade in turn, and each
In turn said "Kangaroo."
39
And last, a printed document
Their simple souls perplexed;
Each eyed the paper learnedly,
And passed it to the next;
But not an Aryan of them all
Could even guess the text.
40
At length they summoned to their aid
An old and learned clerk,
Who, as tradition told, had been
With Noah in the ark
Though possibly tradition here
Had overshot the mark.
41
And while a murmur of applause
Through all the Congress ran,
Bowed with the weight of many years
Hopped forth that gray "old man,"
Mounted his ancient spectacles,
Sneezed thrice, and thus began:
42
"Whereas it is expedient to
Encourage the destruction
of marsupial animals
(Sensation and a ruction
in the court, with groans and cries
From joey, doe, and buck)
43
"Be it enacted therefore by
The Queen's most Excellènt
er Majesty er by and with
The advice and the consent
Of Council and Assembly of
Queensland in Parliamènt
44
"In the construction of this Act "
But here arose a sort
Of interruption from the Right,
Betwixt a cough and snort;
While from the less fastidious Left
Came cries of "Cut it short!"
45
Then clause on clause, with careless haste,
The learnèd clerk despatched;
But when he read, "The scalps whenshown
Must have the ears attached,"
The whole assembly rushed the guard,
And at the prisoner snatched.
46
But when the reader raised his voice,
And thus gave forth the sense,
"For kangaroo scalps ninepence each,
For wallabies' three pence,"
Division rose amongst his foes,
And stayed their violence.
47
For those at ninepence each, elate
At such a mark of fame,
Drew back, and left the threepenny mob
To do the deed of shame;
But the low-quoted wallabies,
Disgusted, dropped the game.
48
Bill strove to speak; his voice was drowned
With catcall, groan, and hiss,
Until the Bossaroo, with slow
Judicial emphasis,
Said, "Capias-nisi-prius Boy,
What say you to all this?"
49
Then silence fell upon the peers,
And on the threepenny mob,
The while this wicked little boy
Said, snivelling through a sob,
"Oh please, I never done it, sir
No, never; sepmebob!
50
"I am a gentle orphan boy,
Nor never jines no row:
My father is a tributer,
My mother keeps a cow:
We always lives respectable:
We tries it, anyhow:
The bill as that old bloke has read
I never seen till now;
And that 'ere blood 's on that 'ere knife
Since father killed the sow."
51
Then spake the Boss: "The quality
Of mercy is not strained;
Yet there is still a point or two
We'd like to have explained,
Ere we absolve you from the charge
Whereon you stand arraigned.
52
"But since the law is merciful,
And hastes not to condemn,
If witnesses to character
Exist, go, fetch us them:
The court will sit to-morrow night
At nine fifteen, p.m.
53
"And since without your father's pipe
You dare not home return,
(Our ancient brother with the specs
Has twigged the whole concern;
And, truly, what he doesn't know
Ain't worth your while to learn):
54
"And further, since the oath of man
Is but of scant avail,
And few like Regulus return
Spontaneously to jail
(My fit is coming on; I feel
The symptoms in my tail)
We will dispense with oaths, and keep
The meerschaum as your bail.
55
"To-morrow (oh my vertebrae!)
To-morrow night at eight,
At the Wheal Edith, by the flume,
A corp'ral's guard will wait;
These shall escort your witnesses,
Blindfolded. Don't be late.
56
"And this remember (oh my joints!)
Not one of all the race
Whose leaders boss this scalping job
May stand before my face;
The witness of a Britisher
Will prejudice your case.
57
"Now he who brought you will reverse
The process (oh my toe!)
Your downward path is up above,
Your upward down below:
Stand not upon the order of
Your going, sir; but go.
58
"And take this for thy dowry, boy,
Existence is a sell,
I once was bitten by a dog,
Since which I am not well.
Methinks my speech already shows
Symptoms of doggerel."
