I
She:
When I settle with my hubby
In our little home,
He must not be wild and clubby,
He must never roam.
He:
For a change you will be pleading
If he spends his time in reading,
Some excitement you'll be needing,
If he stays at home.
She:
But if I've an invitation
To some gay affair,
He must show an inclination
To escort me there.
He:
If he comes home feeling dreary,
Says your friends all make him weary,
Won't go out with little deary,
What a happy pair!
Both:
To each there's some objection,
No man is quite perfection,
For some are slow and others go
A pace that's very fast.
So take them as you find them.
If they have faults, don't mind them;
Just let him have his own sweet way,
And your honeymoon will last.
II
She:
I have always had a notion
That the man for me
Should exhibit a devotion
Boundless as the sea.
He:
Students of the subject tell us
Loving men are always jealous;
Modern, up-to-date Othellos,
Foolish as can be.
She:
If to others he's attentive
I will never care;
Constant love shall be preventive,
Watching ev'ry snare.
He:
But when widow amatory
Leads him to conservatory,
Then you'll tell a diff'rent story!
What a happy pair! Both:
To each there's some objection,
No man is quite perfection,
For some delight to flirt each night
With widows that are fast.
So take them as you find them.
If they have faults, don't mind them;
Just let him have his own sweet way,
And your honeymoon will last.
III
She:
I have read a ladies journal,
Reeking with advice;
How to make his love eternal,
Home a paradise.
He:
Sugar as a steady diet,
Won't digest and those who try it
Often finish with a riot!
Wouldn't that be nice?
She:
When domestic thunders rumble,
I shall stroke his hair;
Sweet, submissive, meek and humble,
Fond beyond compare.
He:
I'm informed that husbands vary,
Soft caresses capillary,
Sometimes make them more contrary;
What a happy pair!
Both:
To each there's some objection,
No man is quite perfection,
For some insist they shan't be kissed,
When love's young dream is past.
So take them as you find them.
If they have faults, don't mind them;
Just let him have his own sweet way,
And your honeymoon will last.
IV
She:
One point I'm not overlooking,
Every girl should know,
How to supervise the cooking,
It will please him so.
He:
Of your efforts he won't speak well,
Mother's cooking you can't equal,
What a most unhappy sequel,
When your cake is dough.
She:
I'll be patient for a season,
Try and not despair,
If he blames me without reason,
Then let him beware.
He:
When some recipe you borrow,
He will fill your heart with sorrow,
Saying, " Let's dine out to-morrow! "
What a happy pair!
Both:
To each there's some objection,
No man is quite perfection,
He's hard to please from soup to cheese,
A real iconoclast.
So take them as you find them.
If they have faults, don't mind them;
Just let him have his own sweet way,
And your honeymoon will last.
V
She:
Lest my afternoons seem lonely,
Friends shall call on me;
They shall meet my own and only,
He shall pour the tea.
He:
Five o'clocks he'll soon be scorning;
If he finds out in the morning,
What is coming, he'll give warning,
" None of that for me."
She:
I shall win by tactics clever,
To him, I'll declare,
" At your poker games, I'll never
Fail to be right there."
He:
When the men are playing poker,
If a woman joins the smoker,
They are mad enough to choke her!
What a happy pair!
Both:
To each there's some objection,
No man is quite perfection,
If she is bright she'll serve all night
A very wet repast.
So take them as you find them.
If they have faults, don't mind them;
Just let him have his own sweet way,
And your honeymoon will last.
