Jones
At a musicale, a five-o'clock,
Or social jamboree,
Tis there the swagger people flock
For a bite and a sip of tea;
And this is what you hear:
" It's been a charming afternoon;
Delighted, don't you know;
Sorry I have to leave so soon,
But really I must go."
But after she's away
In her coupe,
What does this self-same woman say?
Ki-Ram and Budd
Well, what does she say?
Jones
" That was the tackiest time I've had
In twenty years or more.
The crowd was jay and the tea was bad
And the whole affair a bore!"
Trio
Oh, what a bump! Alackaday !
'Twould darken her whole career,
Could the hostess know what people say
When she's not there to hear.
Budd
The bashful youth who's rather slow
When he has made a call,
Receives a message, soft and low,
At parting in the hall.
And this is what she says:
" Now come as often as you can.
I love these little larks.
It's seldom that I meet a man
Who makes such bright remarks.
" But when he tears away From this fairy fay,
What does the artful maiden say?
Ki-Ram and Jones
Well, what does she say?
Budd
" Of all the dummies I ever met
He's the limit, and no mistake.
As a touch-me-not and mamma's pet,
That Johnnie takes the cake."
Trio
Oh, what a bump! Alackaday!
'Twould darken his whole career,
Could Harold know what Mabel says
When he's not there to hear.
Ki-ram
Did you ever feel like saying !
When some precocious brat
Recites a piece called " Mary's Lamb "
Or "Little Pussy Cat"?
And this is what you say:
" What marvelous talent she does possess
For one of her tender age.
I think she'd make a great success
If you'd put her on the stage."
But later in the day,
When you get away,
What do you then proceed to say?
Budd and Jones
Well, what do you say?
Ki-Ram
" If that awful kid belonged to me,
I'll tell you what I'd do
I'd keep it under lock and key
And spank it black and blue."
Trio
Oh, what a bump! Alackaday!
'Twould darken the child's career,
Could parents know what callers say
When they're not there to hear.
Jones
Perhaps the most terrific bump
Is found in politics.
-The campaign speaker on the stump
Is up to all the tricks,
And this is what he says:
" Oh, fellow-citizens, I see
Before me here to-day
The sovereign voters, pure and free,
Whom I shall e'er obey."
But when he's won the race,
Gets a nice, fat place,
What does the people's servant say?
Ki-Ram and Budd
Well, what does he say?
Jones
" Well, maybe I didn't con those yaps
With that patriotic bluff.
Now that I've landed one of the snaps,
I'm going to get the stuff."
Trio
Oh, what a bump ! Alackaday!
'Twould darken their whole career,
Could voters know what bosses say
When they're not there to hear.
