The Bachelor's Soliloquy

To wed, or not to wed; that is the question;Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to sufferThe bills and house rent of a wedded fortune,Or to say "nit" when she proposes,And by declining cut her. To wed; to smokeNo more; And have a wife at home to mendThe holes in socks and shirtsAnd underwear and so forth. 'Tis a consummationDevoutly to be wished. To wed for life;To wed; perchance to fight; ay, there's the rub;For in that married life what fights may come,When we have honeymooning ceasedMust give us pause; there's the respectThat makes the joy of single life.For who would bear her mother's scornful tongue,Canned goods for tea, the dying furnace fire;The pangs of sleepless nights when baby cries;The pain of barking shins upon a chair andClosing waists that button down the back,When he himself might all these troubles shirkWith a bare refusal? Who would bundles bear,And grunt and sweat under a shopping load?Who would samples match; buy rats for hair,Cart cheese and crackers home to serve at nightFor lunch to feed your friends; play pedroAfter tea; sing rag time songs, amusingFriendly neighbors. Buy garden toolsTo lend unto the same. Stay home at nightsIn smoking coat and slippers and slink to bedAt ten o'clock to save the light bills?Thus duty does make cowards of us all,And thus the native hue of matrimonyIs sicklied o'er with the pale cast of chores;And thus the gloss of marriage fades away,And loses its attraction.