I LOVE corned beef -- I never knewHow good the stuff COULD taste in stew!I love it WET, I love it DRY,I love it baked and called MEAT PIE.I love it camouflaged in HASH --A hundred bucks I'd give -- in CASHTo have a BARREL of such chowA-standing here before me now.I say "YUM YUM" when "soupie" blows,I SNIFF and raise aloft my nose:CORNED WILLIE! Ha! Oh, BOY, that's FINE!Can hardly keep my place in LINE.I kick my heels and wildly yell:"Old Sherman said that `WAR IS HELL,'But GLADLY would I bear the heatIf corned beef I could get to eat!"I love it HOT -- I love it COLD,Corned Willie never WILL grow old.I love it -- now PAUSE -- listen, friend:When to this war there comes an endAnd PEACE upon the earth shall reign,I'll hop a boat for HOME again.Then to a RESTAURANT I'll speed --No dainty MANNERS will I heed --But to the waiter I will cry:"Bring me -- well, make it corned beef PIE!And -- better bring some corned beef STEW,And corned beef COLD -- I'll take that, too.And -- now, don't think I'm CRAZY, man,But could you bring a corned beef CAN?And -- WAIT! -- I'm not through ORDERING yet --I want a SIRLOIN STEAK -- you BET,With hash browned SPUDS -- now, LISTEN, friend,I've got the CASH, you may depend --Right HERE it is -- let's see, I'll try --Oh, bring a piece of hot MINCE PIEAnd ALL this stuff that's printed here;My appetite is HUGE, I fear.
Then, when he's filled my festive boardWith all these eats, I'll thank the Lord(For that's the PROPER thing to do),And then I'll take the corned beef STEW,The corned beef PIE and corned beef COLD,The corned beef CAN I'll then take holdAnd RAM the whole WORKS into itAnd say: "NOW, damn you, THERE you'll sit.You've haunted every DREAM I've had --You don't know what shame IS, egad!Now SIT there, Bo -- See how you FEEL --And watch me eat a REG'LAR meal!"
